Emotional Intelligence: 5 Ways To Understand & Manage Our Emotions

How have you been feeling this week?

Angry, happy, sad, fearful, bored <insert other appropriate adjectives here>?

And more importantly, how have you managed these feelings?

Perhaps you distracted yourself with obsessive thoughts, mindless entertainment or addictive behaviours to avoid dealing with your real feelings? Or maybe you froze, acted out or shut down?

As much as we try to disconnect and numb our feelings through over-eating, drinking or scrolling through social media, we can’t eliminate our emotions altogether (and nor would we want to).

We all experience a range of emotions daily, but there are skills we can develop to help us when it comes to processing and managing our emotions effectively.

Much in the way our general intelligence (IQ) is a measurement of our cognitive ability, our emotional intelligence (EI or EQ) is the ability to identify, understand and use our own emotions in positive ways. Not only does this improve our mental health and the way we think and communicate in our relationships (with ourselves and others), it relates to our ability to motivate and push ourselves to succeed. So, are you ready to listen to your feelings and address stuck or difficult emotions?

HERE ARE 5 WAYS TO UNDERSTAND AND MANAGE OUR EMOTIONS:

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1. PRACTICE SELF-AWARENESS

When we are self-aware, we recognise our own emotions and how these affect our behaviour and performance. We also have a good sense of our own abilities and current limitations.

Do you pay attention to your emotions? Check in with yourself often and ask these questions to practice self-awareness:

  1. What feedback has surprised or disappointed me?

  2. How can I tell if my words or behaviour impact on others?

  3. What 3 words describe my emotions today?

  4. Are my emotions accompanied by physical sensations? Where?

  5. How are my feelings influencing my thoughts and behaviours?

  6. How would my colleagues describe me?

  7. What are my strengths and my limitations?

2. IMPROVE SOCIAL-AWARENESS

An important aspect of EQ is not just the ability to manage our own emotions, but the ability to manage, influence and inspire emotions in others, along with a genuine interest and desire to improve their wellbeing. These are all essential skills when it comes to successful relationships, teamwork and leadership.

Do you pay attention to the emotions of others? Ask yourself the following questions to improve your social awareness:

  1. How can I improve my listening?

  2. How do I sense that others are troubled, annoyed, excited?

  3. How would I feel if I were to step into their shoes?

  4. How do I deal with difficult issues/situations?

  5. How do I build networks within my company?

  6. How do I develop rapport with people?

  7. How do I build relationships with people?

3. UNDERSTAND OUR MOTIVATIONS

When we motivate ourselves, we use our deepest emotions to move and guide us towards our goals, and to push ourselves to persevere in the face of obstacles and setbacks.

Ask yourself the following questions to help understand your motivations:

  1. What are my BIG dreams?

  2. Why do I work?

  3. How do I define and measure success? What results do I achieve?

  4. What challenging goals have I set?

  5. What stops or reduces my motivation?

  6. How do I overcome obstacles and setbacks?

  7. What do I do to stay up to date with industry developments?

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4. BUILD EMPATHY

This is the ability to sense, understand and respond to what other people are feeling. Self-awareness is essential to having empathy with others; if we are not aware of our own emotions, we will not be able to read the emotions of others.

Ask yourself the following questions to help build empathy:

  1. What is my common aim or purpose?

  2. How will my decisions affect others?

  3. How can I best help this person?

  4. How do I deliver difficult news?

  5. What do I do when someone comes to me with a problem?

  6. What do I do to understand someone else’s behaviour?

  7. How do I understand what my team members are feeling?

5. LEARN TO SELF-REGULATE

This is the ability to remain calm and control our impulses, cope with and regulate reactions to big emotions, adapt and refocus as necessary, and to respond and behave appropriately to our environment. This is an especially important skill for kids to learn at a young age.

Ask yourself the following questions to learn how to self-regulate:

  1. How do I keep calm during triggering conversations or situations?

  2. How do I tend to express myself?

  3. What strategies do I use to manage my emotions and keep them in check?

  4. How well are my strategies working? What could I improve on or change?

  5. How do I talk to myself? What can I do to improve my self-talk?

  6. How can I remain respectful in my language and actions towards others?

  7. How can I respond in a more positive way, when someone has a different point of view/perspective to me?

Remember, a high EQ helps us to build and improve relationships through effective communication, reduce stress and anxiety, empathize with others, improve job satisfaction, overcome challenges and defuse conflict, as well as lead effectively. Our emotions change and evolve over time, but checking in with ourselves regularly to identify and regulate our emotions in positive ways, empowers us to better tackle our problems and make important changes.

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Jenna Houlihan