7 Ways To Boost Your Confidence
Are you plagued by self-doubt?
Or perhaps you feel you’re not good enough and you’re going to be exposed for the impostor that you are?
Confidence and self-esteem can sometimes be elusive, but it is so important when it comes to achieving success in your life, whatever that looks like for you.
Confidence is believing in yourself and feeling comfortable in your own skin; it is the key to putting yourself out there and opening yourself up to more opportunities.
Fortunately, there are things you can do to boost your self-confidence.
Whether you have a scary presentation coming up, need a quick boost to have THAT difficult conversation or you struggle to feel confident about anything in your life, my tips below will help you through.
1. Stop comparing yourself to others
In a world where we are constantly plugged in to social media, it’s hard not to fall into the comparison trap. When we see other people’s photos, places they’ve checked in to and accomplishments, we start to believe we don’t have enough and that we are failing in comparison. It’s hard not to get into a negative cycle of thinking and start to compare your life and feel down.
The reality (which we are all aware of) is that you’re not really getting a true picture of that person’s life; no one wants to capture the mundane and post it for the world to see. Remember that everyone is on a different journey. Only seek approval from yourself and screw everything else. You are in control of your life and only you know your truth; that is powerful. Stop focusing on other people’s perceived achievements and accomplishments. Use that energy to focus on your own instead.
2. Manage your inner critic and practice self-compassion
I don’t know about you, but I can be my own worst enemy sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, being tough on myself has made me stronger and helped me to enforce self-discipline. It’s given me the drive and determination to really strive for things in my life and prove people wrong. But when you can’t get rid of or at least manage the critical and negative self-talk, it can limit you. And it can be the perfect set up for anxiety and depression. I’ve had many times in my life where I’ve felt like an imposter at work, that I didn’t deserve to be in my position or earning my salary. That little voice inside our head attacks and undermines us to protect us from the shame of failure by telling us we’re not worthy or good enough.
We may not be able to silence the inner critic, but we can certainly look at strategies to manage it. One way to stop the cycle would be to change our negative self-talk and practice self-compassion by re-framing a negative experience. For example, we can forgive ourselves for a mistake and follow it up with something encouraging about how we would approach the situation next time. Another way could be to self-distance yourself and treat your inner critic like another person, perhaps even befriend it. This allows you to pause and look at the situation with more clarity, as if it happened to someone else. We always tend to be more caring and rational when we give advice to those we love, so let’s turn that inwards on ourselves and self-distance that inner critic.
3. Practice Self-care
It is so important to take care of your mind, body and spirit. I’m a big advocate when it comes to self-care and I urge you to prioritise time and attention each day to activities that nourish you. We schedule in meetings and appointments, rushing around frantically every day; we need to prioritise our own needs first sometimes. Make sure you schedule it in your calendar and let everyone else around you know that this time is for YOU.
Make sure you get enough sleep, water, exercise and eat food that makes you feel GOOD. Not only will your body thank you, but it will also boost your mental health and energy and it’s a lot easier to be positive and confident when you’re in top form. Other ideas include doing something creative, meditating, getting out in nature, pampering yourself, listening to your favourite music, journaling, reading a book, watching a film, going for a walk, cooking, trying something new or connecting with a friend.
4. Give yourself some credit
Do you ever achieve something and then immediately look and find all the flaws and berate yourself, finding every opportunity for criticism? Focusing on what you’ve NOT done, rather than what you have? You need to stop this RIGHT NOW. By doing this, you chip away at your self-confidence. Instead, you need to learn to trust in your abilities, give yourself a pat on the back and feel proud of your accomplishments.
Recognise how far you have come! When you start to feel down on your life, think about all the negative experiences you’ve had to deal with and how you have come through the other side. Write them down. And then write down all the things you’re grateful for in your life and your achievements. And don’t forget to celebrate your wins; go on a date with yourself, buy those new heels, get your nails done – whatever works for you.
5. Visualisation and affirmations
Visualisation and affirmations are effective tools to boost confidence. As Tony Robbins says, ‘’energy flows where attention goes.’’ The key to visualisation is to be optimistic but also realistic. Focus on the goals/situations you want to overcome NOW and engage all your senses. What does it feel like, taste like, smell like, sound like, look like? Try to recapture these feelings by using them as an anchor when you need to boost your confidence.
Affirmations are also great for boosting confidence and self-worth, especially if repeated often or before a situation that has your confidence shaken. They also replace negative self-talk statements with positive language. ‘’I will continue to learn and grow,’’ ‘’I believe in myself,’’ ‘’Mistakes are just life lessons.’’ It’s a positive cycle that can build on itself; when you are confident in your actions, you will do better and when you achieve more, your self-esteem will rise. I have certain mantras or affirmations that I repeat to myself every day or just before a difficult situation and they always put me in a confident state of mind. When you start to believe, things will start to happen for you.
6. Crank up the Music
I don’t know about you, but for me, music has a powerful effect on shifting my mood and giving me a boost of confidence. It not only has the ability to make me happy or sad but it can also make me feel empowered, change my perception and has a unique power to evoke emotional memory. I have lots of different playlists on my phone, depending on the mood I want to evoke. For example, I love classical music and jazz and often put this on when I’m working, studying or in the background when I’m doing various things around the house, as it helps me to focus.
I also have a playlist on my phone called CONFIDENT. Tracks like Survivor and Independent Woman by Destiny’s Child, Run the World (Girls) by Beyonce and Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen have all made the cut. Other empowering songs that speak to me include Alive by Chase & Status, Confident by Demi Lovato, All Goes Wrong by Chase & Status, feat. Tom Grennan, All Star by Smash Mouth, Just Like Fire by Pink, Me, Myself and I by G-Eazy and Bebe Rexha, Can’t Hold Us by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, Love Me More by Chase & Status, feat. Emeli Sandé and Cold Little Heart by Michael Kiwanuka. Think about the type of music or songs that give you a kickass boost and put together a playlist now!
7. Just DO IT – take proactive action
Don’t overthink or overanalyse things so much. What is the worst that can happen? Just say yes more and figure it out later. Believe in yourself to make it work. I’m a big advocate for being yourself and being authentic at your core, but in some situations, when all else fails, taking a ‘fake it till you make it’ approach can really help when you’re having moments of self-doubt.
This doesn’t mean you aren’t authentic or you’re changing who you are, you are just adapting your behaviour to benefit yourself in a certain situation. Remember though, this is not real confidence, which takes time, patience and effort to develop, but sometimes we need a strategy there and then that can help us over a hurdle and help us build up momentum. And momentum builds REAL confidence.
At the end of the day, if you fail or make a mistake, don’t let that get you down. Take that as a lesson learned and get back up and try again. And if all else fails, take solace in the fact that no one really knows what they’re doing, either. We’re all just figuring stuff out. Believe in yourself.